turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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