i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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