Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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