are you still at the devil's house?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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