So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
