ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize