Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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