using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
