Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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