When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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