rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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