She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
