Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
