So drunk its hurt
home. puking in laundry basket.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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