a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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