like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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