I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
