And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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