Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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