So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
