I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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