Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
