grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
