I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
