based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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