please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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