I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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