I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
