her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
