Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
