I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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