everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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