Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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