Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
