hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
