8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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