So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
