You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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