We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
