naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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