; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
