So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You pole danced in your parka.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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