I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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