Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
