this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
