just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
