if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
