I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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