I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
