Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
