the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize