hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
