yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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