The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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