Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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