You can't motorboat a personality
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
