Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize