I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
