Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
