also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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