you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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