I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
