FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
