Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
