We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
