so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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