good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
