no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
