you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
