I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
