I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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