i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
