I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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