Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
