its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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